How NOT to Be That Overbearing Sports Parent

“Kids are walking away from basketball and other sports because we’ve replaced joy with pressure. When we treat young players like pros, we lose the friendship, growth, and fun that make sports special.
This has to change.”
-Luka Dončić, NBA All-Star, Dallas Mavericks

Youth sports are meant to be a positive fun experience, fostering teamwork, discipline, growth, and healthy competition. But for some parents, the sidelines become a stage for intense emotions, creating a stressful environment for everyone involved. I’ve seen it countless times; parents frustrated visually and verbally - in fact, at an U10 AYSO championship soccer game a few years ago, I witnessed a Dad (also the Coach) tell his daughter, “This is where championships are won!” as she walked up to take a penalty kick - which she missed. Comments like this just add pressure to a situation that already carries high perceived pressure and is completely unnecessary. 

If you're worried you might be veering into "overbearing" territory, or are already there, this article is for you. Here's a guide on how to support your young athlete without crossing the line.

1. Remember It's Their Game, Not Yours

This is perhaps the most crucial point. Your child's participation in sports is about their enjoyment, development, and personal growth. It's not a reflection of your own past athletic aspirations, current self-worth, or what you think about how your kid should and/or should not perform. Avoid these common traps:   

• Living vicariously: Don't push your child to achieve the dreams you never did.

• Defining your worth by their performance: Your child's wins and losses don't define you as a parent.

• Obsessing over scholarships or professional careers: The vast majority of young athletes won't reach those levels, and that’s okay. Focus on the present, the positive experiences, and the life lessons sports can teach.

2. Let the Coaches Coach

You're there to be a parent, not a second coach. Kids want you there to support them and love them, not confuse them or add to their performance stress (or create it). Resist the urge to:

• Yell instructions from the sidelines: This confuses your child and undermines the coach's authority.   

• Question the coach's decisions in front of your child or other parents: If you have concerns, schedule a private meeting with the coach at an appropriate time.

• Criticize other players: Focus on supporting your child and their team.

3. Focus on Effort and Sportsmanship, Not Just Winning

While winning is nice, it shouldn't be the sole focus. Reinforce process over outcome. Emphasize:

• Effort and improvement: Praise your child for their hard work and progress, regardless of the outcome.

• Sportsmanship: Encourage them to be respectful to teammates, opponents, and officials.   

• Learning from mistakes: Help them see setbacks as opportunities for growth.   

4. Keep Your Emotions in Check

It's natural to get excited or frustrated during games, but it's important to manage your emotions:

• Avoid yelling at officials or other players: This sets a poor example and creates a hostile environment.  

• Don't engage in arguments with other parents: If you encounter a difficult parent, take a deep breath and politely disengage.

• Model positive behavior: Cheer for both teams and show respect for the game.

5. Communicate Openly with Your Child

The best way to know if you're being overbearing is to talk to your child:

• Ask them about their experience: Inquire about what they enjoy, what they find challenging, and how they feel about your involvement, but do your best to give a little space between when the game ends and when this conversation takes place.

• Listen to their feedback: Be open to hearing their perspective, even if it's difficult.

• Respect their wishes: If they ask you to tone it down, respect their request.

6. Remember the Big Picture

Youth sports are about more than just the game itself. They teach valuable life lessons such as:

• Teamwork

• Discipline

• Resilience

• Time management

Focusing on these broader benefits and supporting your child in a positive way, can help them have a rewarding and enriching experience.   

By following these tips, you can ensure that your child's time in youth sports is a positive and memorable one, free from the additional pressure and stress of an overbearing parent. Remember, your role is to be a supportive and encouraging presence, allowing them to learn, grow, and enjoy the game. They should feel loved and supported by you, no matter the outcome or how they perform. 

It’s not always easy, but it is possible. If you or someone you know could use support navigating the challenges of being a sports parent, reach out anytime.